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After only five years of marriage, my husband seems not to be interested in sex— at least with me! We didn’t have sex before we married for religious reasons, but since we’ve been together, he’s avoided getting intimate.
I always have to make the first move or dress up to tempt him. The few times we do have sex, it is over so quickly in about a minute and I end up unsatisfied. Please help!
Jumoke, by e-mail.
cartoon-mother

Dear Jumoke,
I can hear your disappoint-ment! You must be feeling a lot of frustration right now. You’ve waited until marriage to have sex and now your husband doesn’t appear to be up to the task. It would be easy to blame yourself, but this almost certainly says more about your husband.
If sex is very quick, then he may be suffering from premature ejaculation. This is a condition where a man ejaculates within a minute or so of getting an erection; sometimes so quickly that penetration isn’t possible.
It is estimated that 40 percent of men suffer premature ejaculation at some point. Sometimes it is temporary, but for others it is a lifelong condition— causing a lot of frustration to both partners.
Sexual problems can be difficult to cope with and for some, it is easier to avoid sex than face up to the truth. Your husband may be avoiding intimacy because he doesn’t want to let you down again and feel the disappointment of not being all he knows you’d like him to be.
The good news is there are treatments for premature ejaculation and new medications on the horizon. All you need to do is persuade your husband to get help from his doctor. Find a relaxed time to tell him how you’re feeling and suggest you see the doctor with him if it helps.

Most women experience a sagging or dropping breast at some points in their lives. This is a natural and inevitable process.
Women are often bothered when they breasts begin to sag as they feel it makes them unattractive.
A lot of things can contribute to premature sagging of the breast and some have to do with your behavior. So, if you avoid these behaviours, your breasts will be better off.
1. Smoking:
Even your breasts can’t escape the damage cigarettes do. Smoking breaks down elastin, the protein fibers in skin that lend it firmness and elasticity. Smoking also damages breast skin the same way it does the face, depriving it of oxygen and nutrients.
2. Wearing the wrong bra size:
A good-fitting bra keeps your breasts in shape and enhances their appearance. If you’re going to wear a bra, it’s important to make sure it fits correctly because wearing an ill-fitting bra might cause extra sagging. Some women are wearing the wrong size bra. Stop in a lingerie shop and ask for a fitting just to make sure you’re wearing the right bra for your shape so you can make sure your bras aren’t doing you more harm than good. It’s also important to remember to replace old bras before they lose their support, too.
3. Weight Fluctuation:
Weight fluctuation is a big factor when it comes to sagging boobs. Each time you gain and lose weight, breast tissue slacks more. An unhealthy diet can cause stretching of the breast tissue. Weight gain from an unhealthy diet rather than weight gain from muscle-building exercise can result in stretching of the breast tissue.
4. High-Impact Workouts:
Running, biking, playing sports and doing any other exercise causes your breasts to bounce. If you do it often enough without wearing a good sports bra, they may sag prematurely. A sports bra should contain your breasts securely against your chest so that bouncing is kept to a minimum.
5. Skipping Sunscreen:
Sunburn is never fun, UV rays hitting the sensitive underside of your breasts encourages serious drooping later on in life. Exposing your breasts to UV rays without a protective coating of sunscreen can stretch out the collagen and damage the skin.

If you are offered the sum of N4 billion to stay off s3x for the rest of your life, would you take it?
Strange things do happen that would make one wonder if there is any surprise left in this world.
There is this report in a Gulf Online Newspaper that a very wealthy Qatari Prince has offered to pay his wayward daughter the sum of $20 million (about N4 billion), to stay off sex for the rest of her life.
The Prince is said to be unhappy with the way his daughter has been carrying on, jumping from one man to the other, bringing shame to the family.
Aside the money, the report also has it that if the lady agrees to the deal with her father, she would also have an Island for herself, a yacht and other goodies that would make her richer than any woman that ever lived.
Let us bring back this scenario to Nigeria.
On Today’s Teaser, we ask: would you stay off s3x for the rest of your life if you are offered N4 billion?

Did you know that during orgasm, most of the brain shuts down? That with orgasm, raised levels of what are called the cuddle chemicals – oxytocin and vasopressin – lead to feelings of satisfaction and attachments? A study has found that women who regularly receive semen vaginally are less depressed than those who don’t says Helen Fisher, PhD, author of: Why We Love, The Nature and Chemistry of Romancing love. A bit of an ego-booster for men who are forever jealous of the role that dreaded vibrator is playing in their lover’s life!
The feel-good experience semen gives female recipients could be because they really like their partners”, Fisher said, “it could also be because seminal fluid is awash not only with testosterone and oestrogen but also with chemicals such as dopamine and norepinephrine, serotonin, and oxytocin which can contribute to either elation or calm.”
Another recent study revealed the unsurpasing result that the more often a person has sex, the happier he or she is. This could be because people who have sex often are more likely to be healthy and enjoying a good relationship,. It could also be because sex exercises the muscles and the respiratory system, gets the circulatory system moving, which gives the skin a gorgeous glow; and according to Fisher’s research, triggers the brain circuitry for romantic love and attachment.
So why do we have sex? Because it is fun, says Fisher. Because it can be the most powerful, concrete way to demonstrate the love for ourselves and for someone else. Because sex helps us to remember. Because it helps us to forget. Because when we open ourselves to the experience completely, we become intimate with the world in a way that’s otherwise inaccessible, and unique. Flooded with hormones that can release us from the mooring of self-consciousness and control, we can relax into a presence of mind that allows boundaries, momentarily to dissolve. Sex can not only help us feel better – it can also help us feel …
When; to suspect your partner could be off his rocker!
Recently, a former colleague told me that she was worried about an older brother who had suddenly gone religious. According to her, this brother said: “he could hear God talking to him through the radio. He also alleged that all of us in the family were evil because, we didn’t believe in the spiritual church. He thinks his own spiritual church and his beliefs are right. As wild as he looked when he made these allegations, it was obvious that he was cracking up. So, how do you tell if someone close to you is cracking up!|” With all these named disasters and economic crunch plaguing the country wouldn’t it be nice to know?
According to psychiatrists, there are seven clues to alert you. For instance, an unexpected change in behaviour is the big tip-off that a friend, relation or co-worker is suffering from emotional problems and may need professional help. Here are the seven clues to look for:
*A person who is usually energetic acts tired and indifferent. The person may complain about being tired. His work may be neglected and he doesn’t seem to care.
*A previous polite and caring person suddenly becomes insensitive. Manners and social etiquette often fall apart during mental illness, said a psychiatrist. “Words like `please’ and `thank you’ may disappear from the person’s vocabulary and he or she may act rude – pushing ahead of others in a line, for example.”
*A person who usually controls his alcohol or drug intake loses control. When someone with no history of alcohol or drug-abuse begins to abuse these substances, it can be a sign of mental illness. And drug abuse doesn’t necessarily have to mean illicit drugs – it also can mean prescribed drugs.
*A person who usually maintains stable relationship starts to develop difficulty with important ones. The person may have trouble dealing with people on the job – and with his or her spouse. He or she may resort to physical or emotional abuse and may yell or scream.
*A person with emotions in the normal range becomes despondent or shows rapid shifts in mood. The person may begin to have rapid shifts in emotions going from anger to playfulness, from sadness to giggles.
*A previously decisive person has trouble making decisions. Even the smallest decision, like choosing clothes, becomes difficult. The person might make up his or her mind and then changes it possible several times.
*A person with good hygiene develops poor hygiene. His or her clothes may be inappropriate, dirty or not ironed. Often,the person may wear the same clothes for days, not brush his or her teeth and bathe less frequently – and may even begin to smell bad.
According to a recent publication in the medical journal, you could be a candidate for a nervous breakdown if you answer yes to six or more of the 12 questions:
*Did you have a tragic childhood? A parent’s death or separation?
*Was your childhood unsettled with constant moves, parents coming and going?
*Do you always felt everyone is bigger, more clever , and nicer than you?
*Do you think too much or take drugs?
*Are you the sort of person who thinks happiness won’t last?
*Have you always felt people criticize you behind your back?
*Do you find it difficult to express your feelings?
*Do you find it hard to be angry even when you’ve reason to be?
*Do you find it difficult to find and keep friends and lovers?
*Have you been exposed to a nervous breakdown sufferer, particularly when young?
*Are you pre-occupied with your health? Indeed, reading this, are you now convinced you’re having a nervous breakdown?
According to the psychiatrist: “in approaching someone you think needs help, do so in a caring manner. Say something like, “something seems to be different about you. You’re not acting like your old self. I really care about you and I think you should talk to someone who is skilled about it.”

COUGAR’ is a sophisticated word introduced to the dating scene a few years back. A cougar, aka Puma, aka American mountain lion is a fierce-looking animal who stalks its prey relentlessly. When it eventually over-powers the prey, the cougar tears it to pieces, devours it ferociously and licks its lips with satisfaction at the end of the ‘feast’. The cougar has now replaced those we once knew as ‘senior girls’ in the society.
Women with a lot of money and power but with little patience to start running after men in their age bracket only to find such men to be bitter disappointments in the bedroom. The cougar knows the type of men she wants—not so old. Young enough to stand to attention at the push of a button.

To the ‘Cougar’s prey, the sky is the limit to the doors that might be opened to him—cars from his cougar’s garage at his disposal, lots of money to burn, and lots of business opportunities thrown his way. All he has to do was to ask ‘how far?’ when his cougar says ‘jump’! As long as a boy-toy knows his place and doesn’t get complacent enough to start eyeing some of his cougar’s friends with the hope of rendering same services with maybe better returns, he’s on solid grounds.
Nkiru, now close to 50 married very young. According to her, “I was a quiet 19-year-old virgin when my parents gave me out in marriage to a rich village chief almost 20 years my senior. He was kind and dependable but I was shy and inexperienced, unable to relax and enjoy sex. I just assumed great sex was a media myth, that orgasms were as unobtainable as the moon. The arrival of the children turned me off sex even more and my husband didn’t protest. He obviously had a below average libido or was looking elsewhere for gratification.
“By the time he died 16 years into our marriage, I’d known enough about his business to run things for myself. He died of cancer and had warned his greedy relatives to leave me alone after he’d gone. Not only that, he’d transferred all his liquid cash into my account and given me the title deeds to all the property he had. As soon as he died and my traditional mourning period was over, I sold off everything, so my husband’s family wouldn’t lay their hands on it, and came to Lagos to find a business of my own.
“My first taste of meaningful sex came when one of my suppliers started teasing me with saucy innuendos. I was thrilled. He was married, tall, dark and handsome with mischievous eyes. That suited me to the ground. I had my four children and money; I wasn’t on the look-out for another husband. The day we finally got together was like a magic. Like the magazines advised, I’d worn sexy underwear and spiced up my bedroom. We were nicely tipsy when we tumbled into bed. It was the first time I reached an orgasm. At last I understood that sex could be mind-blowing. And I wanted more.
“I made sure he didn’t regret our liaison. I bought a lot of my raw materials from him, gave him money towards the price of a second hand car and bought him designer clothes whenever we travelled. It went on for a few years until his wife found out and had the nerve to charge into my office calling me all sorts of derogatory names. I was furious and threw her out of my office. I might be bunking her husband, but I was sure a lot of the freebies I threw his way went a long way into giving his wife and children a cushy life.
‘Telling him I didn’t want any scandal, I cut him off and bought myself a vibrator which kept me man-free for a while. Two years later, I met Joshua who was single and ready to mingle as they say! His youth made him eager to please and he was really energetic. ‘I love older women’, he said cheekily and he was better than any of the vibrators I’d used. In the bedroom he actually, made me ecstatic. He was matured enough not to talk about my private life and I gave him all the freedom he wanted. All I wanted was amazing sex-passion without responsibilities. And we were both free to sleep with other people, so I kept my options open.
“Once in a while, I caught glimpse of jealousy in his eyes and I quickly called him to order. When he eventually told me he was getting married, I gave him my blessings but told him we were over. After that experience with an irate wife, I didn’t relish the idea of a ‘wife’ young enough to be my daughter shouting insults at me because I slept with her husband.
“I’ve since met another man also young and virile. Like me, he enjoys slow, sensuous sex. And I’m having the time of my life. It’s difficult to believe that when I was younger, I thought orgasms were mythical, yet now, at my age, I’m having incredible sex and growing older has never been such fun! I’m looking forward to hitting the ‘great five-o! Who knows what spritely hip-wriggling stud I would spend that day with! Thank goodness all my children are abroad. My eldest son came to stay for a while and saw my new catch. He grimaced when I confessed we were lovers. ‘Just be careful mum’, he warned, ‘we don’t want any scandal!’
“I told him to grow up. Even in Britain where he stays, cougars abound and it wouldn’t hurt him to experiment with one or two before he settles down! I then discovered that a lot of my friends are into this cougar thing and some have even slept with each other’s lovers without any ill-feelings. I didn’t intend to take things that far and I insist on safe sex. I want excitement. I don’t intend to be reckless in my quest for meaningful sex! I want to be around long enough to see how far this adventure would take me!”

Dear Bunmi,
I recently had to use my boyfriend’s mobile, with his consent, but curiously peeped through his messages. To my horror, I discovered he’d been sending steamy texts to a woman called Jakie.
He said she’s an ex, when I confronted him and the texts are just their way of communicating. This still sounds far-fetched to me. What do you think?
Dami, by e-mail.
cartoon-lonely-woman

Dear Dami,

It’s obvious you don’t trust this man of yours or you wouldn’t be scrolling through his messages. You don’t believe his excuse and now he can’t trust you not to peep at his private messages.
The tone of these texts appear suspicious, though ex-girlfriends should be in the past and any talk should be friendly not using the language of lovers.
If you can’t genuinely believe what he’s telling you then your relationship isn’t that solid. It is now up to you really— either you give him the benefit of the doubt or you find a different partner, who makes you feel secure.

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